Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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