Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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