Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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