Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
