wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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