john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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