So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
