I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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