The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
