Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
