We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
