we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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