I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
