he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
