Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
