There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
