That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
