You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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