Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
