Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And my parents said I crawled through the house
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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