Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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