How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
