There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we're making bets on your personal life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
