STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
