on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
