So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
