Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
