This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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