Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
