May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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