Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
