Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
