If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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