Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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