So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
