I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
