Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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