There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
