i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
