Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
