I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
