Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
