Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
