If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
