"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My vagina is officially offended.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
