Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
