Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
