can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had sex on a roof
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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