he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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