So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
