I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize