Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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