Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
