in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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