The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
