the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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