I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
