Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
