Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
