When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
