I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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