My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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